I can't believe I didn't remember to. It's such a damn good book. It's like cyanide to your soul. It's like that moment in mader's fics when your whole chest kinda tightens and aches for the character only the whole book is like that. And then it gets worse and worse and then you break down and cry but that doesn't make anything better. It just makes you more miserable. But it's a good kind of miserable. It's like someone's stabbing an excruciatingly well-written knife into your brain over and over again. And what makes it even worst is that it could be real. It's so realistic. It's frighening, terrifying that stuff like that happens. When you read it in fics, in pr0n, there's nothing to it. You know it's not real. No animals, children or actors were harmed during this production, but this is so painfully grounded that you can't help but accept the fact that even if this didn't happen exactly like this, it happened to someone, somewhere, it's real and it's painful and it's one of those books that makes you ashamed to be human. And the main character, the worst part about him is that you can relate to him. He's selfish and cowardly but he reflects humanity. We'd all rather ignore the painful parts and just go on and get married and have children and have love and just forget what people did for us even though we didn't deserve it. Even though we don't deserve what we have now, because we did so many bad things in the past and we can't undo them no matter how hard we ry, how hard we try to forger, to atone, to redeem ourselves, we're monsters.